Saturday, March 04, 2006
Good Saturday Evening, All!
This could end up just being a big ramble, so you have been warned. ;-)
"When you're down to nothing, God is up to something." I read this on a church sign this week. I needed to read this, trust me. I have been in much pain this week with my back. More so than I have been for quite some time. Needless to say, it has been discouraging. I have two more visits on the current series at my chiropractor. Before that, I had been going to another doctor for traction. Before that, I had been going to a different chiropractor. During all of this, my family doctor has been prescribing pain medication for me. Backtracking just a bit, we do not have health insurance. We have been paying for all of this out-of-pocket. The pocket is almost empty. We're talking a few thousand dollars here. We have done much praying, and soul-searching this week as to where to go from here.
All this while, I have been getting annointed and prayed for. I know our precious Lord is a healer. He has healed me instantly before. Healed our son, Daniel, instantly. I know of His healing power first-hand.
So what is different with my back problems? I can only offer a few thoughts and observations. First of all, this has come about slowly and gradually over the past two years. I endeavored to get help by going to my "other" chiropractor, to my family doctor, going to my masseuse, among other things. I began missing a day of work here, a day of work there, until this past November when I had to take a week off under the advisement of the doctor who was doing the traction sessions.....oh yes, another doctor.....I accidentally left him out. *feeble grin* By December, I was not any better. I went to my family doctor, who told me that without numerous tests, he could not diagnose my problem He was so sympathetic and kind, understanding that we do not have insurance. He told me that, for now, he would prescribe pain medication, to help me through until my DH and I decided what further steps to take. Shortly afterward, I began going to the other chiropractor. Actually, it is a husband and wife who practice together. Periodically, they give their current patients gift certificates to give out to family and friends. These are good for the initial office visit, x-rays and nerve scan of the back. Being a recipient of one of these gift certificates, I went to them. They told me, after the initial office visit, that they felt sure that I could get back to "normal" in time. There is just no way of measuring how long it may take. By the end of January, I just didnt' feel that I was any better. But I signed up for another series of 12 visits and paid up front. Amazingly, by the second week of February, I was feeling remarkably better. I was finally beginning to feel hopeful. Then this past week I have had so much pain. So, as I was saying, I have two more visits this next week and then must decide if I am going to do another series. Hmmm....
Wednesday evening, at church, I as in agony. I went into my pastor's office and asked to be prayed for. I just said that I couldn't put any more money into this. All I could think of was the woman in the bible who had gone to so many physicians but grew worse so to Jesus she came. The Lord has put three people in my path this week to speak faith to me, I have heard messages on christian radio, I have read signs along the way to let me know that the Lord wants me to trust Him one more time to heal me. It may not be today or tomorrow or next week, but I must begin speaking faith to my pain, to this affliction. Do you know how difficult this is when you are in pain? When you are used to living with this condition? My back pain and I have become pretty close companions. In a way, I have become "comfortable" with all of this. Do you know what I am trying to say here?
A dear friend ( a former piano student of mine)phoned me last evening. She didn't know of my back problems and was astonished when she heard that I had had to resign my job in January. This friend was diagnosed with stage four Hodgkin's Lymphoma approximately 2 years ago. She had been going to Bible school, working, going about her life. She was not given much hope. She was 24. I never once heard her speak negatively about her cancer. Not one time. The Lord healed her completely. She told me that I had to stop accepting this back malady. I needed to begin speaking faith to it and others.
Since last evening, I have been delving into my Bible with renewed hunger. I have been singing songs of praise and faith with renewed passion. As I sat at my keyboard playing and singing this morning, I came to the realization that I had let my adversary steal the song of my heart. Oh, but my hope has been renewed. I don't have to be satisfied with where I am physically. The Lord is not through with me yet.
"Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;
Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies; Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's. Psalm 103:1-4
"I'm living by faith, in Jesus above,
Trusting, confiding in His great love,
From all harm I'm safe,
In His sheltering arms,
I'm living by faith,
I'll feel no alarm."
I've been asking those close to me to speak faith with me, to help me as I continue on. You're welcome to join in. In Jesus' Name.......