Thursday, June 07, 2007

What was I thinking? or scaling back some......

I was up at my usual 6am this morning, thanks to the lonely meows of Ellie the cat at our bedroom door. I don't mind. I wake up at this time whether she is there or not. A busy day was ahead of me and I needed to get an early start. I did the usual morning tasks and spent time with the Lord. There was food to fix for a family who lost a loved one this week and the funeral to attend at 10am. I was then going to take my food to the church and possibly vacuum part of the sanctuary in preparation for Sunday, as no one had signed up to clean the church this week. And for those of you getting ready to scold me for vacuuming, I look at it this way. I hurt if I do; I hurt if I don't, so I thought: Why not?

Anywayyyy....moving right along. grin*

Then I was going to go to the library for a bit and then I was to be at my sister Debbie's by two o'clock, where she was going to give me a perm.

BUT.......there was a change of plans. First of all, the pain level today is almost excruciating. But I did manage to get the food to the church after going to the funeral. That is as far as I got on my list. *feeble grin* Oh, and let me insert here that I also sprayed my car off at the car wash, after the funeral service, as I decided to take the "scenic route" into town this morning, not knowing that what used to be a "chip and seal" road was "dust and gravel" now in many places. My car looked like a chunk of dirt by the time I got to the funeral home. I could hardly see out of my windshield but I didn't dare run the windshield washers and make it all a muddy mess! *smile*

Soooooo, last night at church, a good friend handed me a folder and said it was an excerpt from a book they wanted me to read. They had printed out the first chapter for me. So, after realizing I wasn't going to be able to finish my "list" this morning, I went through a drive-thru, got something cold to drink and headed for the lake. Lake Logan, that is, to read this chapter.

I am just wanting to understand where I am at. Oh, I am so blessed. The Lord is and has been so good to me. But the pain and physical limitations have thrown me for a bit of a loop. I've always been a "do-er and a go-er". Pushing myself to the point of exhaustion, but feeling great satisfaction in accomplishing tasks and organizing things, whether here at home or work or at church. Organizing activities for the youth. Planning parties and banquets at church. Putting together concerts in the park with our music department.

Now, it is sometimes a challenge to keep the necessary things done here at home. I manage to here in the house but no longer outside. So, thankfully, Ed has taken up that task and is doing very well at it. *smile*

I am not complaining at all. I am just having a little difficulty in making the adjustments, you know?

Okay....time for a little injection of humor:

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office.
"Doc, every time I see nickels, dimes and quarters, I have a panic attack! What can my problem be?"
"Oh, that's easy, " the doctor answers. "You're just afraid of change."

Yep, that's me. Not necessarily "afraid" of change, but not sure of how to negotiate the changes taking place in my body and thusly, my lifestyle.

So, I drive out to the other side of the lake, knowing that there is a good chance no one else will be there at this time of day: eleven-thirtyish am. I get out my trusty rollating walker, load my things into the little basket and head for the nearest picnic table. I got settled and opened the folder. The title read: "Reposition Yourself" by T.D. Jakes. I could hardly believe it. The Lord had been working behind the scenes all along, knowing what I had need of. The tears just flowed as I read what was before me. As the breeze off the lake ruffled the pages, the Lord ministered to me and I read, shed more tears, talked some things out with Him. I am so thankful that He is ever mindful of me and the path that I take. That He knows the plans He has for me; to prosper me.
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." Jeremiah 29:11
"When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then thou knewest my path." Psalm 142:3

I left that place with a blessed assurance and new-found peace in my heart. I still don't have all of the answers. Nor do I know exactly what His plans are for my future. But I know that He is with me each step of the way and I am learning to walk with Him one day at a time. There is still so much for me to do for Him, though it may take more effort and I may have to struggle through some pain, but this one thing I do: "forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

I am trusting in Christ alone,

I am trusting in Christ alone,

Since His faithful love I've known,

I am trusting in Christ alone.

Verse I:

When the shadows hover near,

When my heart is filled with fear,

I will trust in Christ alone,

When I'm fragile, feeling weak,

And I'm needing perfect peace,

I will trust in Christ alone.

Verse II:

When darkness seems to hide His face,

I'll trust in His unchanging grace,

Through every high and stormy dell,

My anchors holds, with Him prevails,

by Sis. Nancy Grandquist

You can listen to the song here. It is the fourth song down.


chantell said...

Sis. Jewel, you are so sweet. You know what I'm starting to realize? The "God, I don't know where you're taking me, but I still trust You" never ends. I thought this was something peculiar to people in their mid-twenties. lol. If I were down in your little valley, I would give you a big hug and join you out on the lake.

Aidan said...

Afraid of change i love it:) WE all need time to just be and release, Book by the lake, That sounds wonderful....

Dont worry too much about the future it will work itself out..


Tersie said...

Jewel - I am so happy that I stumbled across your blog today. It is just what I needed to read. I've been going through some emotional pain and trusting in God's plan to lead me through it. I've also been reminded in so many ways to take it day by day. Your writing is inspirational and full of hope. Thank you for sharing. The pictures of the lake are beautiful. My prayers go out to you ... from a fellow Buckeye. :)

Jewel said...

Chantelle....thank you for the "virtual" hug. *smile* Sometimes this is a one-day-at-a-time journey, hm? And we just aren't going to get all the answers right up front, so we learn to trust and let Him lead us a step at a time. are so right. We can be such control-freaks sometimes, hm? I know I can be. But I am not alone on this journey, which is such a blessed assurance.

Tersie.....Hello, fellow Buckeye! *smile* I'm glad you found me, too. I've been to your blog and will be back! We seem to have alot of common interests. Thanks you for putting me on your blogroll. Truly, we must learn to trust in Christ alone, Tersie. I am learning more and more, just a s a small child trusts so unreservedly in a parent to provide, protect and love, so is our precious Saviour with us.