Saturday, January 19, 2008

For all of you animal-lovers out there!

I received this in an email and thought it was so funny! Granted, I don't agree with ALL of the things stated here AND I do love our children MORE than our animals BUT some of this IS true and MOST of it IS funny!! Enjoy!

To be posted VERYLOW on the refrigerator door - snout height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The otherdishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.
Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight outand having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through thesame door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, THEN go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on ourfront door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here.You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Usually come when called
5. Never drive your car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and......
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

3 comments:

Theresa said...

Oh, Jewel!!!! This had me laughing so hard I started coughing!!! As an avid pet fan, I think this is soooooo goooood!!! ;)

Jewel said...

LOL....I'm so glad that I could bring some laughter into your day, Theresa! I especially liked the last one: If they have children, we can sell them! LOL

Catherine Roseberry-Meyer said...

Funny!!! I'm passing it on to a friend who loves kitties doggies, bunnies, birdies, etc... :) if that's okay with you.