Just coming off of a week of Campmeeting, I was feeling pretty good about myself spiritually. Felt renewed, inspired, but something felt a bit off-kilter in my spirit. I just couldn't quite put my finger on it. Bro. Cook preached his heart and soul out Sunday and I just felt so inadequate musically or "worshipfully" to accompany him. Then came Monday and I found out just how lacking I am. I went to the church to spend time in prayer, needing to close myself away with the Lord. In the midst of this, I asked the Lord to direct me to a scripture or passage that would help me. Without a doubt, He directed me to I Corinthians 13 (the love chapter, it is called) Now, I know what it says.....mostly.....and like a stubborn child I told the Lord, "I know what it says. I don't WANT to read it." Because I knew I was in for some chastisement. But......I read it.......and read it again......and have read it several times since. And have been smitten in my heart mightily because I am so far from what He wants me to be. He is so holy and so loving and compassionate. And that compassion extends to me so freely and fully. Where would I be without it? I would have no hope. There is an old song that the choir sang when I first came into the church. Part of it goes like this:
"And if I have not charity,
If love does not flow through me,
Jesus, reduce me to love....."
I want to be like Him. A reflection of Him. To be genuine. Right now......there's wayyyyy too much of me in the way, I'm afraid. "He must increase but I must decrease." John 3:30