Thursday, July 17, 2008

Thirteen Great One-liners and Short Funnies!
If I can laugh, I find that I can handle most anything that comes my way!! :-)

1. What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air? A dead centipede.

2. What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook? Wet feet.

3. How do you make a hot dog stand? Steal its chair.

4. What did one magnet say to the other? I find you very attractive.

5. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.


6. A cop spotted a woman driving and knitting at the same time.
"Pull over!" he called.
"Oh no, officer, it's a cardigan."

7. "You know somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a note on my windshield. "It said, "Parking Fine". Wasn't that nice?!"

8. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other off.

9. So I was getting into my car, and this guy says to me, "Can you give me a lift?" I said, " Sure, you look great, the worlds your oyster Go For it!"

10. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. " My dog is cross eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well, " said the vet "lets take a look at him". So he picks up the dog examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "WHAT? Because he's cross eyed??" "No, because he's really heavy."

11. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of home". "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common………?" "Its not unusual…"

12. I went into the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, " No, the steaks are too high".

13. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak and where chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it,too!

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Michelle said...

I love this TT! Very funny. Thanks for making me smile today. Happy TT and thanks for stopping by my place.

Jewel said...

Hi Michelle! You are welcome! Hope you have a great weekend!!

Theresa said...

Cute, Jewell!!! I enjoyed the chuckles. ((HUGS))

Jewel said...

Hi Theresa! thank you, thank you! I'm sure your husband will like some of these, too! :-)

Barbara H. said...

These are cute. :-) I might borrow some for my ladies; ministry newsletter.